Keila “Nitpicker In Chief” Brock

They have a bachelor’s in copy-editing from the university of reading friends’ papers. They’re basically a walking thesaurus, their friends describe them as stinky and judgemental in a good way. As an expert in infodumpology, they enjoy talking about narrowly-applicable theoretical linguistics, and niche historical topics. In their free time they like to pick up shiny things like a magpie. They’d really prefer you not contact them, as they would like to continue living under a rock. If you really have to here is their email: kaleuuhsfakeemail@gmail.com.

Read their article here!

Brendon “Grammar Snob” McCallum

Following the events of Y2K, Brendon was raised by wolves in an undisclosed location somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. In his return to civilization, Brendon was astonished by the return of the McRib and decided to stick around and do some writing. He acquired an honary doctorate (by force) in Thuganomics from Harvard Law School. He joins the “It’s Your Problem Now, Kids!” team to pursue his lifelong passion and dream of complaining about how literature is taught in Canadian classrooms.

Read his article here!

Kennedy “Plague Spreader” Halwa

While mostly known for being sick at the most inconvenient time, Kennedy also holds a degree in Overthinking from Slippery Slope University. In her free time, she likes being horizontal (preferably in a bed, buried in blankets) and long walks through Costco to try samples. She believes in em dash supremacy and will find any reason to show pictures of her cats. Kennedy has had works of creative writing published in various small-print literary journals and magazines, and is one of the feature writers of the “It’s Your Problem Now, Kids!” zine. 

Read her article here!

Elliot “Wanted by the FBI” Sidlick

Publishing his work under the alias of Elliot Sidlick in an attempt to preserve his privacy, Drew Cryme considers himself to be a writer from the 20th century. Since graduating from MIT with a PhD in the distribution of used blackboards in 1998, Cryme has been hiding in the Zone of Death. During this time, Cryme amassed an insurmountable fortune by starting a pyramid scheme. Before joining the It’s Your Problem Now, Kids! team, Cryme appeared in a Superbowl commercial where he begged viewers for money. This effort raised him $23.75. In 2024, he was taken by the EPA and has not been seen since. Because we monitor his online activity we know that he is still alive, but his current whereabouts, and how he is biologically only 18 years old are still unknown. He is the attributed writer of 3 articles and holds the world record for most class-action lawsuits leveled against an individual.

Read his article here!

Caenen “Devil’s Advocate” Wisse

Caenen is one of the feature writers on It’s Your Problem Now, Kids! despite many attempts to exclude him from the group. Caenen holds a BA in Radical Communist Theory from Uvic, as well as an MA in Youth Indoctrination and a PhD in Woke Mind Virology from McGill University. Caenen is well known for his experience lying to naïve children and watching people from a distance. He has built a commendable career off of spreading misinformation and his genuinely terrible writing ability. Caenen’s group members have described him as a “real threat to society” and the “worst person I have ever met”. He currently lives with his dog, Harley, and his cat, Banshee.

Read his article here!